Why So Serious? (Or, Where To Find Happiness)

One thing life thought me was that, you should never find happiness from other people.

No, you don't need to be a loner, or alienate yourself from the rest of the world. You don't have to be an island. Humans are social beings, and we definitely need other people to last 60-90 years of our life. What I am saying is we should not let other people be our basis for our happiness. If we want to be happy, we should be happy because of ourselves. Not a tough thing to do, right?

We start finding happiness by loving ourselves. Remember that famous verse Jesus said in the Bible? "You shall love your neighbor". Seems pretty easy, you say. Jesus here actually is technically saying that we should love almost everyone around us. We should love our family, our friends, our wife or husband, the cleaning lady next door, the traffic enforcer from across the street, everyone! This is one-half of what Jesus referred to as the "greatest commandment". But this commandment actually is often misread. The whole verse is this.

“The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

-Mark 12: 31

See that "as yourself" qualifier near the end of the verse? That's the clincher. We don't just love everyone, we should love them as ourselves. We should love them like how we love ourselves. Treat them like how we treat our own body, literally and figuratively. You see, nobody can say that he/she has truly loved somebody if that person didn't love him/herself first. But how do we love ourselves?

• Forgive yourself. Do you always say, "I'm so stupid", or "I'm worthless" whenever something doesn't come out right? Then stop. You don't need those. You should understand that everyone commits mistakes, don't punish yourself. Don't feel less worthy of anything because of a simple mistake. If you did something in the past that caused you to carry that burden, then let that go, move on and stop berating yourself. Life is too short to be wasted in self-abhorring.
• Accept who you are. Whether you're fat, or thin, or short, or dark-skinned, or your face is filled with acne, that is you who are. Don't compare yourself with other people. Everyone is unique. Whatever you have which other lacks, defines who you are, wear it proudly. Most of all, don't let other people condemn you for being different.
• Reward yourself. Be it for waking up early, or finishing a project, or sharing food to a small homeless kid knocking at your car window, you should always praise yourself. Buy yourself a new book or file a vacation leave for doing something great. You will find that it doesn't only motivate you to achieve your goals, but it will also boost your self confidence.
• Express yourself. If you fill like dancing in the middle of the street after being hired on your first job, then do it. Don't let yourself be embarrassed for doing what you want to do, as long as you know nothings wrong with it. You're girlfriend dumped you? Then talk to a stranger on the train and cry. Feeling lonely? Call a long lost a friend and catch up. Don't be afraid to say and show what you feel. Don't be afraid to cry. Stop worrying about what other people will think of you, it doesn't matter.
• Don't seek other people's approval. Whatever you do with your life, whatever decisions you take, you do it for yourself. Don't enter college just because your father wants you to. Don't be afraid to cut your hair just because your boyfriend wants it longer. Don't do good on work just to impress your boss. Remember, you're doing it for yourself, for your own good, and for own satisfaction. With seeking other's approval comes disappointment, and we should never feel disappointed just because we did not live up to other people's expectations.
• Treasure your life. If you believe smoking will kill you, then stop. If you think eating too much fatty foods is bad for your health, then don't. If you think clinging into painful memories will only make you more depressed, then let go. Your life is a gift from God. What would you feel if your friend doesn't appreciate the gift you gave him? Be thankful for every morning you wake up still breathing.
• Stop finding love. Nobody can fill that emptiness inside yourself but you. Nobody can complete you. You are created as a whole, you are not a puzzle. The reason a lot of people have their hearts broken is because they kept believing that their partner is a part of their life. No. You are an individual. Nothing is permanent, don't let your world revolve around another person. If you want someone to love you, then stop needing that someone. Convince yourself that you can live without him. And then you'll see, he'll love you for who you are, and will accept both your positive and negative side.

But be warned though, don't confuse self-love with vanity. They are two different things. Remember, balance is everything. Vanity will only turn you into a self-centered, shallow and selfish being. But self-love will make you fulfilled with life. And with fulfillment comes happiness, true happiness.

You should never find happiness from other people, because real happiness comes from within, through loving yourself.