Of Buses

I awoke at the voice of the conductor. I looked through the half-tinted, fogged window of the bus, and saw that it was drizzling outside. The road was busy, deceitful and unwelcoming, as cars veered to and fro it's intersections. I stared at Rachel, sitting beside me, sleeping, her head resting on her side, with her hair brushing along the scarlet curtains. I watched as the lights from outside brightened her full cheeks. She is beautiful as ever. I noticed her pale red lips, dried by the cold temperature of the bus, move and twitch, and so I let my eyes escape her view.

"Are we there yet?" she whispered, half-awake.

I let out a sigh, then turned my head to her, shaking it, smiling.

"What's taking us too long?"

"We got stuck in traffic earlier. As always."

Now its her turn to let out a sigh, an irritated one, and I saw her breath as it came out of her mouth.

"Do you feel cold?" I asked. She nodded. I reached out my arm to the back of her shoulder, pulling her head towards me. "You can go back to sleep now, I'll just wake you up."

She rested against my body, I felt the warmth of her skin. I brushed her jet-black hair, and even though I couldn't see her face, I could sense that her eyes are already closed, trying to return to the dreamworld she just left.

How long has it been like this, I asked myself. 2 months? It was Valentine's Day when I told her how I felt for her. And since then, we've never really talked about it. She always avoided that topic. At first, I couldn't get it, but as time passed I think I understood.

We've been classmates since Freshmen year, and I have been close to her ever since. She is the first woman I ever get to know better, primarily because I've never been with the company of girls before. I guess I can say that I was already attracted to her as I saw her enter the classroom one morning of June, asking for the class we where in. She was late, and the professor, not noticing her enter, has already finished introducing herself. Rachel quickly sat beside me as I confirmed she that was at the right class. From that day on, I never stopped staring at her.

For four years, I tried my best to catch her attention. It was arduous. I had experiences in wooing girls before, but I couldn't read her actions. She is eccentric, impulsive and unpredictable. That's the reason I never had the courage to tell her how I feel for her. Not until this February.

"I want you to be my girlfriend," I told her one warm afternoon, while we were walking along the pathway towards our school building.

"No." She answered, sternly.

"But I thought..."

"Well, you thought wrong", she finally faced me, she stroked out her hair that was blocking her face, "I'm sorry."

"How about the kiss?", I asked, referring to the short kiss on the lips she gave me the night before, as we where about to separate ways going home from class.

"It was just a kiss. Nothing more," then she walked away.

After that conversation, I took a note to avoid her for the rest of our school days. To say that I was hurt would be an understatement, I was in pain. All those days I thought she felt the same for me. It was unexpected, but not unusual for her. However, a couple of hours later, we went home. Together. Sitting side by side on the bus, like we always had for four years. As if nothing happened.

And we never talked about it again. Ever.

The bus jerked as we entered the crowded highway. It was a typical rush hour night. Buses and jeepneys racing towards fully-packed passenger stops. Another hulking bus skidded beside ours, and its windows reflected the bright red, green and yellow stripes our bus was sporting. This bus is unlike the other dilapidated buses roving along EDSA, but still the broken windows and fading curtains show the bus' old age. Seats shake for every bump along the paved road, but somehow we were accustomed to it.

Another jerk has finally awaken Rachel to her senses, and she finally lost the urge to sleep. She noticed my arms around her shoulder, so I pulled it back. I picked up my bag, then rumbled through my things, trying to appear busy looking for something important. Through the corner of my eyes I saw her peered trough the bus window, focusing on something on the road. The drizzle finally turned to rain, and the hard pouring of the sky turned the road into a pitch black runway.

"Oh my God!" She screamed. I tried to turn my head, but I couldn't.

It all happened so fast.

At first, we heard the air-brake of the bus screech through the loud song played by the radio. Then, the bus tilted to the left, I felt my body pushed itself downward unto the seat and my spine clicked as it pressured down to my pelvis. My body followed through the movement of the bus. I reached out my hand towards Rachel, as I tried to stop myself from pinning her down.

The seat in front of us snapped, and I felt its weight on my lap, along with those of the 3 passengers sitting on it. I held Rachel's hand as the front-seat's headrest hit my head, and I went black for a couple of seconds.

When I came to, I was already on my sides, on top of Rachel's body.

"Rachel!" I called unto her, worriedly, "Are you alright?"

Rachel let out a word that I presumed to be a yes. I tried to move my legs, but all I felt was numbness. I tried to stand up, but I don't have the strength to lift the detached seat that held my back against my seat. That's when I noticed Rachel breathing heavily.

"Rachel..." I called out. I inspected her body, and I saw a black metal splinter, fragmented out from the seat in front of us, piercing through her chest. She was bleeding away fast.

"Rachel, don't move. I'll get you out of there." I assured her. But it was a lie, she knew it. I can't even get myself out of my place.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, "there is one thing I never told you..."

"Tell it to me later, when we get to the hospital."

"I never really wanted to study. I was planning to run away after my mother forced me to enroll. But then I saw you, on that room, four years ago, and I changed my mind on impulse."

I felt tears welling up my eyes. I tried to pull out my right hand to touch her face, but I couldn't reach it. My left hand brushed her hair, then I held her right hand, looked into her eyes, as she looked into mine.

"I have loved you ever since the day you left six white roses on my writing desk. Even though you never wrote your name, I know its from you. I wanted to be with you, but I'm afraid that if we will be together, someday you will just leave me, like everybody did. I'm sorry, for I never told you how important you are to me, and how you changed me to who I am now. I love you. I guess this is... goodbye."

"No, Rachel, don't say that. I love you!"

I pressed her hand firmly. I reached out my head to kiss her, but the force of the other seat was preventing me. Blood poured down from her mouth and nostrils, as she slowly closed her eyes, uttering my name.

"Rachel.. Rachel, please..."

I felt her life escaping from her, as her hand suddenly stopped holding mine.

"No!!"

I closed my eyes. Crying.

I awoke at the voice of the conductor. I looked through the half-tinted window of the bus, and saw the sun setting behind the edifices sprawling along the side of the road. I stared at Rachel, sitting beside me, sleeping. I looked toward the aisle of the bus, coming to my senses. An old FPJ movie was playing on the TV screen, and people were standing as we arrive at the next bus stop.

I looked again to my left, and I saw a stranger, a young woman, sitting unknowingly, reading a book. A student, that I can tell by the uniform she's wearing, and she's from the school I attended 10 months back, the same school Rachel and I attended.

I tried to regain my balance as the bus sped along the highway.

People always ask me why I still ride the bus, in spite of the accident and my disability. I can ride a train where I will be given a special treatment for my missing leg, but I chose not to. Buses are filled with memories, of her and me together, memories that I'd rather not forget.

Everyday, as I go to and from work, I pray that the bus I ride on will take away my life, as it took away Rachel's.

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This is a work of fiction.